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Archived Essays:
#5 Doing Too
Much?
You don't need a break.
You need to break the pattern.
Are you
completely satisfied with your career and life or have you begun
to ask "Is this all there is?" or "Why can’t it feel easier? "
Do you ever feel you are doing too much?
From the
time I could walk and talk through my early thirties, I
perpetuated a pattern I call "O.R." (Overly Responsible),
working 60-80 hour weeks and trying hard to get it all done
almost perfectly. I may have been a painful birth for my mother-
I swear I came out with a flipchart and marker in one hand and a
goal sheet with to-do list in the other. I’ve met plenty of
professionals (especially women) who could be in the O.R. club,
trying out for the Olympic work-life juggling team and the
emotional tug of war competition.
The good
news is it’s absolutely possible to shift from O.R. to A.R.;
Aligned Responsibility-- making choices aligned with one’s true
values and authentic personal priorities. My life is
extraordinarily different today- I am one of the most fulfilled,
non-stressed people I know. (If you want to throw something at
me for saying that, I understand. :) ) My coaching clients
revamp and reinvent their lifestyles beyond what they once
thought possible. You can create the life you deserve.
Breaking the Pattern
Breaks are
nice for the doing-too-much person, but aromatherapy and a
facial won’t create sustainable change. To break the pattern,
you must start with increased self-awareness.
What
drives us to be O.R.? In my case I was an over-achiever, which
probably stemmed from an original wound in childhood of feeling
"not good enough" no matter what hill I climbed to win my
mother’s love or praise. (In coaching, it’s useful to be
informed by the past, but we don’t focus on analyzing past
wounds and digging for "Why?" We focus more what you really want
moving forward and "How?")
Too often,
our culture promotes a work-driven, always doing way of
living. Living on fast-forward, rarely tuning in to what’s going
on inside naturally leads to disenchantment. We
rationalize this is "as good as it gets" thus acquiesce. (You
were not born to settle and suffer.) We attempt to feed our
vague soul cravings with shopping, kitchen renovations and
working harder to fuel more "success"- yet defined by
whom? And at what cost to you? At a workshop for executive
women, each yearned for a more meaningful, rewarding life. They
also acknowledged that no one was holding a gun to their heads
to continue this inertia.
Does any
of this sound familiar? So, what’s smart gal (or guy) like you
doing in a life like that?
A Powerful Tool
How do you
shift to a more fulfilling existence? First, hit the pause
button. Time flies whether we’re having fun or not. Just
asking yourself "Is this how I really want to live?" is a
crucial first step. Success and personal fulfillment are things
you create, from the inside out. One simple, yet powerful
formula is Awareness, Responsibility, Choice. (What I
like to call the ARC of coaching.)
1.
Practice increasing awareness of "who you are," core
values, what you absolutely want, and what’s actually happening
day-to-day. Make time for quiet solitude to invite your inner
voice out to play- journaling, walking-- anything that helps you
to tune in.
2. Accept
responsibility for creating your own success and
well-being. Be aware of the victim trap. It’s natural to feel
frustrated by mortgage payments, demanding jobs, families and to
do lists. Yet, when we fall into the mode of "have to," we give
away our personal power. The truth is that each of us has the
capacity to establish our own standards, boundaries, goals,
beliefs and actions that will lead to a life we love rather than
tolerate.
3. Then,
make conscious choices more in tune with the real you.
With each choice there’s a consequence, new awareness and
learning, thus the positive cycle continues.
Coaching
facilitates this process with provocative questions and
nurturing support. This ARC also serves as a bridge, ultimately
leading to feeling more alive and grateful for the adventure.
Life starts to flow.
A Coaching "Homework" to Try:
Play a
game I call "Spy on Yourself." For at least a week, observe
daily things that are fulfilling and aligned with your real
priorities and those things that feel like chores, obligations
or activities in the "O.R. zone." Also answer, "I am doing this
for the sake of __________." Notice how satisfied you are with
the underlying motivations and how relevant this is to what
matters most to you. Keep in mind no shame or blame. Just get
curious and fascinated with spying on yourself. Keep a written
log handy throughout the day. Don’t worry about how to make
sweeping changes just yet. Have gobs of patience and compassion
for yourself. Awareness is genuine progress. You are on your way
to creating the true success you are meant to enjoy.
P.S.
My actual
birth was an induced labor (because the doctor had a golf date).
I popped out in about twenty minutes. I used to joke, "And I’ve
been going on that speed ever since."
I’m glad
that comment does not fit my chosen lifestyle today. My mother
and I became friends as grownups and I feel deep love for her
today. Her death served as a wake up call for me finding and
following my true spirit. Life is precious. You have the power
to create the life you deserve. Never settle. What new choice
will you make today?
"A ship in
a safe harbor is safe, but that is not what a ship is built
for."
-
William Shedd
Be well…be
inspired,
Marian
Selected as one of 50 top coaches in America, master certified
coach, author and speaker Marian Baker has coached and led
workshops with hundreds of clients from business and personal
growth communities since 1996. She loves this work, admires her
clients and falls asleep grateful. Excerpts of the new book,
Wake Up Inspired andother free resources are now available
at
www.MarianBaker.com.
Copyright 2006 Marian Baker.
Reprintable only when whole content copied and full credit
included. Thank you.
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